MY LIFE AS ART: The honesty contract

DEAR Reader,

With this column, I am entering into a new contract with you. I don’t have to, but I like the idea of setting things in black and white, in ink and paper.

I promise: If you read me with love and reverence, I will reward you with some of the most beautiful writings you will ever read in your life. Some of them will be brilliant, some just so-so, some may even suck and shock sometimes. But they will all be beautiful together because they are Life-like. That is, they will reflect the ups and downs, and the unevenness of our life experiences.

If you disrespect me and ridicule my writing, well, let’s see where that will lead you. You are not the one writing this column.

True, I am a pompous writer, but I know that I am also delightfully brilliant if you want to be entertained. I mean, if you really want to enjoy a good comedy, go to the movies with an intent to laugh and be entertained. I really feel sad for people who go to the movies with a sour disposition. Their angry-at-the-world attitude really spoils the movie for them. I mean, what’s the point? No movie can make you laugh, if you are decided you are way above slapstick comedies.

This is my column. Sometimes, I choose to be silly and provocative because, well, I am a great prankster. The world is not only my oyster, it is also my backyard! And there is nothing more we can do about that. I have been writing this type of column for close to two decades now. I mean, I tried a different way, but my success has always been in my strange and wicked sense of humor. And admit it, you all like me as a mad diva. Otherwise, I would not have been offered this job for the fifth time. And yes, I accepted all those offers all the time because I was assured that I can write however I like. So there!

Terrible and terrifying as I may be as a spoiled avant-garde writer, this much is true: I love my readers and I am committed to them. And while I often go literary and creative with my language and metaphors, in true journalistic fashion, I always honor my non-fiction contract with my readers. I may speculate and imagine, but I never tell lies. I may obscure some facts not relevant to my point, but I never, ever tell what is untrue.

So, if I say that I had a great night with such and such Hollywood actor, you better believe it. I may not tell you that I paid such an actor such amount of money to spend the night with me, but you better believe that I had a great night with such and such Hollywood actor. I mean, just suck it up!

So, yes, often I can be blunt, I can be angry, and ranting mad, I can be washing my laundry in public, but one thing you can’t say about me is that I am a liar.

In my early years of writing for the Ilonggo newspapers, I have been criticized for writing mostly about myself. Sixteen years later, that’s still what I do even if my reasoning has changed. In the beginning, I simply believed that libel is a pain in the ass, and I cannot obviously libel myself, so why not just write about myself, and avoid all the hassle of a hemorrhoid? In later years, after I immigrated to the US, I realized I could no longer really write about Iloilo gossip and Western Visayas experience with up to date veracity, so I just continued to write about my charming life in the land of milk and honey, which actually was a desert called Los Angeles, California for me.

As it turned out, my life has become a legend and an inspiration to many people. Here was a country mouse who came to good fortune as a nurse in the US, a newspaper columnist who seemingly couldn’t write anything other than himself, but has, year after year, amazed his readers with Palanca Award-winning works. I mean, who else can boast of such feat? As far as I know, none of the Ilonggo newspaper writers/journalists has won a Pulitzer, and well, the Palanca is the closest to the Pulitzer that we have. In fact, the Palanca has been dubbed as the Pulitzer of the Philippines. Boom, boom!

Anyway, because I have great literary success, I could not really be ignored as a newspaper writer.  Furthermore, I also turned out to have a great wicked sense of humor that pleases and satisfies the new ADHD generation. I may not win the Pulitzer for Journalism, but by God, I am here, I am writing, and I am so much fun!

The thing about me is that whatever outrageous and pompous tale I tell, I tell it true – okay, perhaps truth with a slant, but I never lie to deceive. If I tell you there are orgy parties going on in Iloilo City, you can be sure I know it firsthand. Either I’ve been there myself, or I’ve been there myself. You want to know where, when, and how you can participate? Call me, maybe!

Almost two decades since I started writing for the Ilonggo newspaper in 2000, I am still here. Why? Because I have developed a great relationship with my readers – love-hate relationship in the early years perhaps, but love me or hate me, I always please and satisfy. And that’s all you want, that’s all you desire. There is just no one like me out there in the Ilonggo media: respectable and brilliant one minute, crazy and scandalous next hour.

Let’s look at my resume briefly: the first Filipino author-guest at the Sharjah International Book Fair (2015), Palanca Awards Hall of Fame awardee (2012) with his 18th career Palanca win this year, the only Ilonggo winner at the Philippine Centennial Literary Prize (1998) and UPV Most Outstanding Student and Most Outstanding Graduate (1990). Actor, filmmaker, nurse, teacher, HIV testing poster boy. Oh, did I also mention that I am gay, was married to another gay man, was widowed, and now not embarrassed to say that I’m putting myself out there to find a new lover?

Of course, I am crazy. Of course, I am outrageous. But I never lie. And truth-telling is all that I promised you in all my column-writing contracts since I started in 2000.

MY LIFE AS ART: 18 Palancas and me

HUMILITY is not my virtue. Sure, I can be humble at times, but humility is not my favorite virtue especially where my literary career is concerned. I mean, I just can’t afford it. I got serious social acceptance and image insecurity issues.

I mean, let others more hypocritical, or less successful, than I sell their humility. I’m not buying it!

Perhaps because I am not connected with the academe, and I don’t have very strong ties with teachers of literature who can push for the study of my literary works in high schools, colleges and universities, I look to the Palanca Awards for validation as a creative writer. Thankfully, the Palanca contest gives me what I want (need!) year in and out.

By a general consensus, the Palanca Awards is the biggest literary contest in the country. It is even dubbed as the Pulitzer Prize of the Philippines. Started in 1950 (thus 66 years old this year), it is still the gold standard by which Filipino writers are measured. So, you see, it is not easy for me to be humble about my 18 Palanca wins in 18 years.

Who knew I had 18 Palanca Awards including the Hall of Fame (HOF) that was awarded to me in 2012? If you didn’t know, well, that’s exactly the point, and the reason, for this article. There is just not much information about my literary career out there. And I am what you may call a seasoned literary writer at 47, with well over two decades spent sacrificing, languishing, in the thankless job of promoting, developing, and advancing Philippine literature.

True, most Filipino people, because of their economic situation, cannot afford to be literary, or cannot afford literature, period; but that’s exactly the reason why they should celebrate occasional brilliant writers like me. I mean, like brilliant genius me who wasn’t schooled in literature and creative writing. It’s like I’m a real literary genius!

If you still haven’t noticed, most of our so-called living big names in Philippine literature today are in the academe either as teachers of literature and writing, or students of languages (AB English, AB Filipino), literature, and creative writing (usually MFA). They, and of course, me, Peter Solis Nery — erstwhile nurse, bum, religious missionary, Philosophy instructor, social worker; now, newspaper columnist and social media whore.

I bet you don’t know that I am not the only Palanca Awards Hall of Famer who writes for a newspaper. But I wouldn’t call you illiterate because of that. FYI, there are at least five other HOFs who write for Manila-based newspapers and magazines. 

But yes, I am the only newspaper columnist in the whole Western Visayas who can claim the Palanca HOF trademark. If you didn’t know that, well, you must be a real illiterate now. Haha! But seriously, how can I feign humility about that? 

I won my first Palanca award, a gold medal, in 1998. This year, 2016, I won my ninth gold medal, and my sixth consecutive gold since 2011. My literary career is very tied up to my triumphs at the Palanca Awards. Sure, my books are important, too, but it’s the awards that really gave me the confidence to continue and persevere in writing, and even venture into publication. 

In a very unusual way, too, my Palanca successes gave me this cocky accent, this haughty voice, this wicked writing stance for my newspaper columns. Because I am pretty literary — pretty and literary — I am always given much free rein (free reign, too!) in my column writing. And I milk it like absolute power corrupts.

But to be very honest, in the core of my core, in my heart of hearts, I am really just a most charming guy; shy even. But with only a sliver of humility. Because it is as I said, Humility is not my virtue. And sorry, it’s one of those things I just can’t afford! 

So, love me or hate me, but love me more.

MY LIFE AS ART: 18 Palancas and me

HUMILITY is not my virtue. Sure, I can be humble at times, but humility is not my favorite virtue especially where my literary career is concerned. I mean, I just can’t afford it. I got serious social acceptance and image insecurity issues.

I mean, let others more hypocritical, or less successful, than I sell their humility. I’m not buying it!

Perhaps because I am not connected with the academe, and I don’t have very strong ties with teachers of literature who can push for the study of my literary works in high schools, colleges and universities, I look to the Palanca Awards for validation as a creative writer. Thankfully, the Palanca contest gives me what I want (need!) year in and out.

By a general consensus, the Palanca Awards is the biggest literary contest in the country. It is even dubbed as the Pulitzer Prize of the Philippines. Started in 1950 (thus 66 years old this year), it is still the gold standard by which Filipino writers are measured. So, you see, it is not easy for me to be humble about my 18 Palanca wins in 18 years.

Who knew I had 18 Palanca Awards including the Hall of Fame (HOF) that was awarded to me in 2012? If you didn’t know, well, that’s exactly the point, and the reason, for this article. There is just not much information about my literary career out there. And I am what you may call a seasoned literary writer at 47, with well over two decades spent sacrificing, languishing, in the thankless job of promoting, developing, and advancing Philippine literature.

True, most Filipino people, because of their economic situation, cannot afford to be literary, or cannot afford literature, period; but that’s exactly the reason why they should celebrate occasional brilliant writers like me. I mean, like brilliant genius me who wasn’t schooled in literature and creative writing. It’s like I’m a real literary genius!

If you still haven’t noticed, most of our so-called living big names in Philippine literature today are in the academe either as teachers of literature and writing, or students of languages (AB English, AB Filipino), literature, and creative writing (usually MFA). They, and of course, me, Peter Solis Nery — erstwhile nurse, bum, religious missionary, Philosophy instructor, social worker; now, newspaper columnist and social media whore.

I bet you don’t know that I am not the only Palanca Awards Hall of Famer who writes for a newspaper. But I wouldn’t call you illiterate because of that. FYI, there are at least five other HOFs who write for Manila-based newspapers and magazines. 

But yes, I am the only newspaper columnist in the whole Western Visayas who can claim the Palanca HOF trademark. If you didn’t know that, well, you must be a real illiterate now. Haha! But seriously, how can I feign humility about that? 

I won my first Palanca award, a gold medal, in 1998. This year, 2016, I won my ninth gold medal, and my sixth consecutive gold since 2011. My literary career is very tied up to my triumphs at the Palanca Awards. Sure, my books are important, too, but it’s the awards that really gave me the confidence to continue and persevere in writing, and even venture into publication. 

In a very unusual way, too, my Palanca successes gave me this cocky accent, this haughty voice, this wicked writing stance for my newspaper columns. Because I am pretty literary — pretty and literary — I am always given much free rein (free reign, too!) in my column writing. And I milk it like absolute power corrupts.

But to be very honest, in the core of my core, in my heart of hearts, I am really just a most charming guy; shy even. But with only a sliver of humility. Because it is as I said, Humility is not my virtue. And sorry, it’s one of those things I just can’t afford! 

So, love me or hate me, but love me more.